- newrainmusic
- May 19
- 4 min read
Updated: May 20

I’ll be totally honest here, I know the title of this blog post is a little extreme, but as I sat in the barbershop…. Correction, the MANY times I’ve sat in barbershops across my city ( Fort Worth, Tx) throughout the years I’ve observed and heard many guys detail their miserable, toxic and chaotic relationships with the mother of their children. What made this extremely confusing and downright weird to me was the fact that many of these dudes didn’t have a horror story dealing with one woman, but several! That’s right, the men I heard complaining about how terrible their lives were often had many children by several different women, and they hated it.
A wise man once said that "smart people learn from their mistakes, while WISE people learn from the mistakes of others!" I heard this saying as a boy, and I tried to keep it as close to my heart as I could. My father wasn’t in my life as he should have been, he hardly ever came around and when he did, it was usually to take me somewhere fun like “Six Flags” or the movies. Even lesser did he give me the old fashion father-son lessons and lectures, however one piece of advice that he didn't forget to pass down to me, was the advice on how many children to have. He was almost stoic one day as he told me with a straight face “son when you get older, one kid is enough, two is pushing it and 3 or more you’re in trouble” he spoke of having a medium sized family as if it were a death sentence to joy and fulfillment in life and I didn’t understand why…. Until I got a little older.
My dad, just like the men at the barbershop was a father to 4 children by 3 different women. He wasn’t on good terms with any of them which put a strain on the relationship he had with their offspring. Every one of the women to my understanding had my dad on child support and ever since I could remember he worked two jobs tirelessly to keep up with his payments as well as support himself. From my dad’s perspective, children were just equivalent with other bills that he had, and last time I checked, nobody is happy about paying them and if they had it their way, they would have minimal bills if any at all. As I got older, I asked myself this question, why didn’t my dad just have children with a woman he actually loved and was committed to and that way, he would’ve escaped many of the hardships that sprang from his several relationships?
Why did those guys at the barbershop find themselves tangled in toxicity with women they seemed to hate? Surely at one time they loved these women they CHOSE to procreate with, right? Surely if they decided to enter covenant by having sex with a particular woman that meant they were tied to them and committed to them for the long haul, correct? ….. sadly, I found that being intimate with a woman for many men doesn’t mean much at all, it’s just a scratch that they itch, not a decision they use their mind to make, but their instincts and here lies the issue. It’s actually a simple problem, God created a man to enter a covenant (special agreement of commitment, unity and love) with a woman BEFORE sealing it with sex. Sex is supposed to flow from covenant not outside of it. What happened and what’s currently happening in society, is people being led with lust which is causing them to make permanent decisions off of temporary affections that have lasting effects and impact. The problem with lust is, it’s not a solid foundation to build a relationship on, lust fades! And when it does, so does the infatuation a man once had for the object of his lust. Love on the other hand endures all things scripture says (1 Corinth 13:7) Love remains when the sunshine and rainbows are hidden by clouds and rain. Love is still there when physical attraction for whatever reason begins to dwindle, Love is solid and firm! I don’t write this blog to beat up men who may have made bad decisions when it came to the one, they chose to be the mother of their children, I wrote this for young men who have yet to make any decisions at all. Take heed and proceed with caution and care! Be wise and learn from the mistakes that others have made.
In the end we must act like men and not boys! Boys make decisions that benefit them in the present without any regard for how it might destroy them in the future. I have three baby sons and if they could eat candy, chips and juice all day they would, only to regret it with tears later when their stomach pain brought them to their knees. So many men are just like my 3 boys, they chose the “candy relationships” they desired the ones that looked good and tasted good, while they neglected real nutritious unions that would’ve bettered them in the long term, so now they look back in regret as their poor choices cause them pain and grief that brings them to their knees! We have to do better, and I believe we will. It has to start with the young men! They have to break the cycles that have been ingrained in our families for ages and who better to teach them the right way than men who went the wrong way? I take heart knowing that God is raising up men for such a time as this to ignite the change that’s needed…