Why do Men procreate with women they hate?

I’ll be totally honest here, I know the title of this blog post is a little extreme, but as I sat in the barbershop…. Correction, the MANY times I’ve sat in barbershops across my city ( Fort Worth, Tx) throughout the years I’ve observed and heard many guys detail their miserable, toxic and chaotic relationships with the mother of their children. What made this extremely confusing and downright weird to me was the fact that many of these dudes didn’t have a horror story dealing with one woman, but several! That’s right, the men I heard complaining about how terrible their lives were often had many children by several different women, and they hated it.

A wise man once said that "smart people learn from their mistakes, while WISE people learn from the mistakes of others!" I heard this saying as a boy, and I tried to keep it as close to my heart as I could. My father wasn’t in my life as he should have been, he hardly ever came around and when he did, it was usually to take me somewhere fun like “Six Flags” or the movies. Even lesser did he give me the old fashion father-son lessons and lectures, however one piece of advice that he didn't forget to pass down to me, was the advice on how many children to have. He was almost stoic one day as he told me with a straight face “son when you get older, one kid is enough, two is pushing it and 3 or more you’re in trouble” he spoke of having a medium sized family as if it were a death sentence to joy and fulfillment in life and I didn’t understand why…. Until I got a little older.

My dad, just like the men at the barbershop was a father to 4 children by 3 different women. He wasn’t on good terms with any of them which put a strain on the relationship he had with their offspring. Every one of the women to my understanding had my dad on child support and ever since I could remember he worked two jobs tirelessly to keep up with his payments as well as support himself. From my dad’s perspective, children were just equivalent with other bills that he had, and last time I checked, nobody is happy about paying them and if they had it their way, they would have minimal bills if any at all. As I got older, I asked myself this question, why didn’t my dad just have children with a woman he actually loved and was committed to and that way, he would’ve escaped many of the hardships that sprang from his several relationships?

Why did those guys at the barbershop find themselves tangled in toxicity with women they seemed to hate? Surely at one time they loved these women they CHOSE to procreate with, right? Surely if they decided to enter covenant by having sex with a particular woman that meant they were tied to them and committed to them for the long haul, correct? ….. sadly, I found that being intimate with a woman for many men doesn’t mean much at all, it’s just a scratch that they itch, not a decision they use their mind to make, but their instincts and here lies the issue. It’s actually a simple problem, God created a man to enter a covenant (special agreement of commitment, unity and love) with a woman BEFORE sealing it with sex. Sex is supposed to flow from covenant not outside of it. What happened and what’s currently happening in society, is people being led with lust which is causing them to make permanent decisions off of temporary affections that have lasting effects and impact. The problem with lust is, it’s not a solid foundation to build a relationship on, lust fades! And when it does, so does the infatuation a man once had for the object of his lust. Love on the other hand endures all things scripture says (1 Corinth 13:7) Love remains when the sunshine and rainbows are hidden by clouds and rain. Love is still there when physical attraction for whatever reason begins to dwindle, Love is solid and firm! I don’t write this blog to beat up men who may have made bad decisions when it came to the one, they chose to be the mother of their children, I wrote this for young men who have yet to make any decisions at all. Take heed and proceed with caution and care! Be wise and learn from the mistakes that others have made.

In the end we must act like men and not boys! Boys make decisions that benefit them in the present without any regard for how it might destroy them in the future. I have three baby sons and if they could eat candy, chips and juice all day they would, only to regret it with tears later when their stomach pain brought them to their knees. So many men are just like my 3 boys, they chose the “candy relationships” they desired the ones that looked good and tasted good, while they neglected real nutritious unions that would’ve bettered them in the long term, so now they look back in regret as their poor choices cause them pain and grief that brings them to their knees! We have to do better, and I believe we will. It has to start with the young men! They have to break the cycles that have been ingrained in our families for ages and who better to teach them the right way than men who went the wrong way? I take heart knowing that God is raising up men for such a time as this to ignite the change that’s needed…

We're all on borrowed time! why understanding death equips us for life....

It's no secret that our world has a huge problem. This reality is crippling and frightening for every conscious creature in existence. It's not the elephant in the room that I'm focusing on, but rather the grim reaper who's staring at all of us. Death is the surest event that will take place in every one of our lives. We all know this to be true, but for some reason some of us pretend like we're the chosen ones out of all the rest of humanity who've been selected to bypass death's embrace. There are many good reasons why a person would like to cast the thought of themselves dying far away from them, after all, who thinks sitting around pondering on their eventual demise is healthy? Anxiety, depression, deep sadness and more would be the fruit of doing such a thing. People would be paralyzed in the present if all they focused on was an uncertain and fearful future.

If all that is true, why then Does the prophet Moses ask God to " teach us to number our days that we might gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12-14)

If you read the entire Psalm, the major theme is comparing and contrasting the eternal and enduring nature of God, with the finite and frail nature of mankind. God is outside of time, space and matter being the creator of all three while human beings are creatures with limitations piling up to the sky. WE get sick, WE get fatigued, WE get hungry and thirsty, WE get old and eventually WE DIE. This truth moses says should help us to put our lives and the few days we have before us in perspective, knowing our limitations should make us wise. If i know my liver is compromised, it would lead me to making wise and healthy decisions and things like drinking alcohol would lose their attractiveness because my eyes would see differently due to a perspective change, my health would become paramount.

When it comes to death, the very fact that we know our loved ones, friends, coworkers, church members, neighbors are all headed for the grave, how should that affect how we treat them, especially as Christians who understand that life does not end when we stop breathing physically.

My father died recently at the age of fifty-nine and when I ponder on his life, I'm amazed at how short our lives really are.

We didn't have a great relationship, but not because there was any strife or animosity, but rather it was that we hardly had a relationship at all. For whatever reason he just decided to stay away when I was growing up. It wasn't until I was an adult that I began to ask why. My father worked a lot often two jobs just to get by and pay his child support for the four children he had. His life was toil and rest repeated. Although he never set me down and taught me life lessons, I learned to treasure time from looking at his life. I want my life to impact others! I want to use whatever time God has given me not to just exist and get by but to extract everything God has placed inside of me for the good of others around me. A wise man once said that " if your presence wasn't impactful your absence won't be missed"

I desire to live in such a way that I add purpose and value to everywhere I go. I desire to live my life like Jesus lived his. He only lived to about thirty-three years of age, but what he did with that time changed the world forever! He knew the time his father gave him on the earth was short, and with that understanding he lived accordingly...... I pray you and I do the same

Does your life smell Good to God?

The Old Testament of the Hebrew scriptures give us an understanding of the holiness and the purity of God. If i were to summarize the old covenant it would be something like this, God created everything we see and don't see, he created mankind in his image and likeness to enjoy an intimate relationship with him and to steward and exercise dominion over creation as divine representatives and custodians. Man in his rebellion rejects his creator and attempts to live independently of his maker which causes the judgement of the Lord to fall on him. Since the fall of man in Eden man dwells apart from God and everywhere he treads is unholy ground.

God in his mercy promises a redeemer who will restore fallen, unholy men back into the holy, pure presence of God to once again enjoy fellowship and uninterrupted communion. In between the promise of a redeemer and the fulfillment of the promise, God sets up a sacrificial system to show the importance of atonement when it comes to entering his sacred space. unlike in Eden pre fall, man and God dwelt in the same space. After sin infects man and all of creation, no man was permitted into the Prescence of God absent a sacrificial offering, again this shadowed and prepared them to accept the one true sacrifice that would later be given to make them clean forever!

Having said all of that, I have a question for you the reader, does your life smell good? sounds weird i know, but one section of the sacrificial system in Israel had to do with offering up incense to the Lord as a holy act of worship! (see Exodus 30-34-38) That's right GOD would prescribe certain ingredients to be set apart for him specifically, to be offered up a sweet-smelling sacrifice in worship.

Fast forward to the new covenant and we see that it's not grain, lambs and incense that the lord wants his people to offer up to him in sacred worship, but its's rather our praise, our love for others and even our very own bodies (SEE Romans 12:1) we should make it our aim to offer him a life that's pleasing to him and more specifically a life that smells good to his nostrils

We must remember that the old covenant is a shadow of the things in the new covenant and having said that i turn your attention to Jesus being anointed for his burial by a sinful woman two days before his death. (Mark 14:3-9) we're told that a young lady took a costly alabaster jar of perfume and anointed his feet and head. IF this event happened two days before his death it's extremely likely that he went to the cross-smelling amazing!! As Jesus was on the cross, we're told he said to the father as he was dying " into your hands I commit my spirit"(Luke 23:46) and there it was IT WAS FINISHED!! the sacrifice was made and the atonement he came to bring was accomplished. Furthermore, the OFFERING was given!

look at what Paul says concerning this offering Christ made, pay attention in Ephesians 5 he says Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children  and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Christ life was given for us as THE acceptable offering that the old testament required, but even more interesting to me is his life being described as a "Fragrant offering" or a sweet-smelling savor! Christ LITERALLY was anointed days before his death with costly perfume and spiritually he was anointed before creation the God man, the holy spotless Lamb of God who would take away the sins of the world. His life smelled great to the father, his offering was pleasantly accepted and because of that very offering you and i are accepted as well.

My encouragement for us is to strive to live lives of gratitude and humility, understanding that one day we too will offer up a life to God, and our heartbeat should be that he smells what he smelt when his son offered up his. A life of sacrifice, love, humility and purity!! those things are pleasing to his nostrils indeed